It has been crickets around here on my blog! So I decided to stomp on them and write a post. I have mere moments of silence to get this done in but thought it had been so long since I posted that many people would like an update.
While I consider our family a semi-veteran hosting family, it was a first for us to do a second hosting of the same child. It was so wonderful!!! The past four weeks have flown by and have been full of regular ol' life to be quite honest. We did all the things we normally do around the holidays and lots of stuff we do year around too. Part of me didn't want to blog because who really wants to read about sorting dirty laundry, washing said laundry, and finally, folding said laundry?!? Also, part of me didn't want to blog about everything because it felt really good to have my whole family in one country, state, and city! I liked how normal life felt. And finally, part of me didn't want to blog because blogging hurts sometimes. When I sit down to write an entry, I often am forced to sort out all my thoughts and emotions and reflect and repent and rejoice. As I finish an entry, I typically feel naked and worn out emotionally. It is also very much like looking in a mirror and as we all know we don't always enjoy what we see, especially first thing in the morning. Examining your heart and motives can at times be a rather ugly experience since we are all sinners and wearin' some ol' fashioned sin is pretty ugly. Okay, so there are all the reasons I haven't blogged.
We will hop in our time machine and head back to December. Arrival was beautiful. I was a nervous wreck and big ball of excitement all day on December 15th! It was a joyful time at the airport. Most of the families I already knew and we met one new family. It was kind of like a party. I LOVE arrival day. The pictures that are posted on social media and the buzz of anticipation and of course the happy but very tired faces of our child! We dove right into all the fun stuff of Christmas. Being off of school and home was great but also busy. We had tons of time with family and we threw in a bit of sickness. V is well acquainted with our doctor office now since we had so many visits over the past four weeks with the other girls. Heading back to school in January and juggling days off and work days as we covered time with V was hectic but also gave her a glimpse of our crazy life.
We have heard way more of V's voice this hosting. Some of you know how silent our summer hosting was. This time she has tried to be a sponge and soak in as much English as possible. Her favorite phrases have been "What is that?", "What are you doing?", and "Why?". I will admit to being drove crazy with the 'why' question. Everything I say or do is responded with "Why?". I just reminded myself how precious that voice is and that each moment is a teaching and learning opportunity so I have mastered the patient replies of explaining EVERYTHING! : )
I also feel we all bonded more securely this hosting. The past week has shown how strong our bond has become. V has wanted as many extra minutes as she can get with us. Bed time has turned into an hour of quiet one-on-one time this past week. There have also been lots of tears as the end of hosting has drawn closer. The tears have slowly killed me this week. I'm still holding my tears back because otherwise I'm not sure if I could stop to drive to the airport on Friday. We have fallen in love with this quiet, sweet, beautiful, child-like, brave teen girl. She is helpful and thoughtful and a love bug through and through. She isn't perfect by any means but her flaws and mistakes only make her more precious as she learns how to work through them and be loved by a family who won't attach conditions to the love she is given.
Hosting is hard. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again. Even the most perfect hosting is difficult because it is kind of like living in limbo. It is a fun limbo when the hosting is going well, but nonetheless it is still limbo. There are weekly chaperone check-ins to be made. Hosting reports to be filled out. Shopping and fulfilling the list of required items to be sent back. All of those minor things added up make life not normal and adds a layer of extra stress to everyday life. I'll be honest that I am looking forward to permanency and normal everyday life in a few months when the adoption is finalized and we are home forever. But we are also just crazy enough to entertain the thought of eventually hosting again in a couple years. Once you catch the bug it is hard to get rid of.
On the adoption front, we have still been battling the medical form issues. I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but we will see. My friend Jen is fantastic at reminding me that God's timing is perfect. I honestly thought there was a chance a few months ago that we would be preparing to leave the country for our first trip at the end of this month. Instead, we are just hoping to submit our dossier by the end of this month. While the time tables have changed we are trying to remain faithful to our God and His perfect plan, no matter how painful the stretching of time has been.
We still need to raise more funds and now that the holidays and hosting are over I will be kicking it back into fundraising gear! Be prepared for more updates and ways to help our family.
Pray we make it through these last few days. Tomorrow is our last day together. Very early Friday morning I'll be driving about two hours to the airport with V. I'm a mess and trying to keep it together at work too. I about lost it when someone asked if I was okay. I nodded yes, but really I wanted to curl up on the floor and cry. Rely on God has been playing on repeat this week in my head. Honestly, I'm not sure how someone who doesn't rely on God could possibly do what we are about to do. We will be sending our girl back to conditions that aren't meant for children. Children are meant to have a loving family surrounding them. It breaks my heart day in and day out that while we are bringing one child home to a family there will be way more left behind. I hate being left behind so I can only imagine how those other children feel when they see one of their own getting a forever family and being left behind. Pray fervently for the children who are without families. Pray for our girl as she transitions back to her other life across the ocean. Also, be in prayer for all the kids traveling and the adult chaperones caring for them. It is a big trip for all those kiddos.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers and support. We feel so utterly loved and cared for by our family, church family, and friends.
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