Perhaps This Will Finally Be the One That Is Posted

A few post titles later and numerous attempts later, I think I am finally ready to do this post.

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down and attempted to type my thoughts and feelings about the end of our hosting experience.  There are days when I write it in my head and then push delete, delete, delete and start again in a different way. I guess it has helped me to sort through my thoughts and emotions and has helped through what I have coined my personal grieving.  Grief sounds like such a heavy word and maybe an inappropriate word for what I have been feeling but according to good ole Webster it fits.

Grief is defined as

: deep sadness caused especially by someone's death
: a cause of deep sadness

: trouble or annoyance

Well, thankfully no one died.  But there has been deep sadness and a feeling of trouble and annoyance that we had to send our host daughter back to her country.  The days following L's departure there was a lot of spontaneous crying that occurred, ex. coworker asking how I was--->crying, walking past her bedroom --->crying, setting the dinner table with one less plate----> crying.  I think you get the picture.  

I think the first week there was a numbness to everything.  And then slowly over the past almost four weeks I have been processing our summer with L.  Life was different and it took some adjusting to create a new normal in our family post-hosting.  The kids of course seemed to bounce right back and I guess it is good they have that sweet innocence about them.  Never has the phrase "ignorance is bliss" been more true.  They don't understand what we, as adults, understand about this situation.  I think that is part of the grief I have felt.  Yes, I miss her terribly.  Yes, I love her dearly.  Yes, I want her to be in our family forever.  Yes, it is terrifying to know what we are sending her back to and the life she will have.  It is so scary to know that 70% of orphan girls end up in prostitution.  It is terrifying to realize that the life expectancy of an orphan in that country is in the range of 30-40 years old which means these teens are in the middle of their lives, they are essentially middle aged! I wish I didn't know all those things because it would make it easier for me to deal with sending her back.  But I do know those things.  And an easy road isn't always the right road to travel on.

When I was pregnant with Eliza we knew she was the last baby with about 99.9% certainty.  Then, when she was born we knew with 100% certainty that she was the last baby.  Josh and I were at peace with three children.  I could envision Christmases and other celebrations with the five of us and it felt complete.  God changes our perfect visions in an instant or in this case over a summer.  I close my eyes now and feel a hole in our family.  Josh and I both feel this now.  I have no idea where God will lead us but our hearts are very open to adoption in a more real way now.  We have always been open to adoption and foster care but in a general sense and in a future tense, like way far in the future.  But now there is a sense of closer than further away to those desires.  I also had a vision that if we were ever to adopt it would be a small child, or at least younger than our bio kids.  Again, that changed too.  We want to have a pre-teen/teen as a part of our family.  L opened our heart to this.  I never thought I could bond and love a child who I didn't have a part in raising from small up but I can and did. 

I grew this summer in my walk with God.  I learned to depend on Him in more ways than I have in the past.  I learned more about my plans vs. His plans and to let go of what I want and focus on the plans He has made for me.  For a sinful control freak, it is a hard lesson to learn and I, of course, fail on a regular basis.  But I felt so much peace when I let God take the lead throughout this hosting experience.  

Hosting also brought about a chance to develop a relationship with some new people.  I am not the best at doing this.  I am awful with small talk and find it very hard to do.  I struggle with this especially at church on Sunday mornings.  I find the whole social encounters awkward and painful. I can never think of anything to say but hosting gave me a chance to talk to people about what we were doing and from there I was able to get to know a few people better.  

Hosting also taught me the art of accepting gifts without feeling the need to repay it back to the gift giver.  I am always happy to help and love to give to others but I learned I am kind of awful at accepting gifts from others.  With hosting, we had to accept gifts financially in order to bring L here.  We also had gifts of hand me down clothes given.  We had the gift of time and service given to us in the form of helping prepare her bedroom.  Even the gift of people spending time with L and inviting us to be a part of activities.  I was and am extremely thankful for each of these various gifts and I found it hard to just say thank you and let it be adequate.  I immediately wanted to go clean their houses or give them a gift or bake cookies as a thank you.  I learned it is okay to be thankful and just happily accept the gifts and services given to us.  But it was hard to not feel in debt to all those who helped us.  This was just one more way God gave me a way to grow.  

So where are we now in this experience?  We are keeping in touch with L through Facebook.  We are hopeful that we will be able to host her again next summer if everything works out, such as, her trade school allowing her to participate in the hosting program, her grades being good, her willingness to miss some school, etc. etc. etc.  We don't have much control over being able to host her again except being willing to do so and being prepared financially to do so.  I know that regardless of if we are able to host her again that she will always be a part of our family and a part of my heart is with her always.  We pray for her and pray that she will come to know Christ as her savior.  For those of you who don't know, it isn't possible to have her as a permanent part of our family physically because she is already 16 years old and the US does not allow international adoptions to occur after the child is 16.  But we are happy to host her and build a closer relationship with her and like I said even though she isn't here physically there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her as part of this family.  Families come in all different sizes, shapes, colors, and make-ups.  Ours just happens to be a family where we parent the best we can across a very large pond for one of our children! 

For more information about participating in this program go to www.nhfc.org  It is a wonderful experience and it gives hope and love to a child who otherwise might not be given hope and experience the love of a family and most importantly be ministered to about our loving God and His wonderful gift of salvation.  A gift that was of a great sacrifice when He sent His son to die on a cross in place of a world full of sinners to make a way for us to live eternally with Him in heaven when we accept that gift of salvation. 

Get Your Game Face On!!!

Parenting is _____________ (fill in the blank)!

amazing

life changing

laugh out loud funny

full of crying

patience

hard

difficult

unimaginable

a gift

punishment for what you did to your parents

precious

not to be began without thought

exhausting

exhilarating 

The list could go on forever.  I have been a parent now for almost seven years.  I am in NO way an expert at this.  I know I am better than I was seven years ago and have learned more with each child but am a bit more bewildered with each child too and have so much more to learn and grow.  There is no manual besides the Bible and even though it does not give exact instructions about sleepless nights or getting your kid to eat their veggies, it does give us a strong foundation of how to instruct our children in what is right.  It also gives us wisdom and teaches us to rely on Christ alone.  It gives us a path.   

I do know that I have to get my game face on each and every day.  Satan has a sneaky way of using parenting and family life as a way to lead us into temptation to sin.  I have to be prepared for battle for an epic game between good and evil each day to protect myself from sin and teach my children to protect themselves from sin.  I have to have my game face on for the moments when there is nothing I can do as a parent besides cling to Jesus and call out to Him for strength and to gird me with truth and wisdom.  (By the way I love the definition of gird- to prepare (oneself) for action).  

Parenting is active.   Each week during hosting we receive a weekly email with a report we have to fill out about how it is going.  At the beginning of the weekly email there is always a pep talk.  Today we received the weekly email.  I found it particularly hard to swallow.  It spoke about being in the home stretch of hosting being over, and how no matter what the  experience has been, we are all a bit tired and drained.  It also reminded us that these children are going to go into preparation mode for departure.  They either consciously or subconsciously understand they will be  leaving unconditional love and basic needs being met continuously.  They will put the walls back up that have come down.  Parenting has to be active to combat all these things.  It isn't for the faint of heart.  It is time to get my game face on.  

Today was hard and heart breaking.  We had our first big parenting moment with our host daughter.  She has been exemplary while here.  We have seen only a few very normal teenage eye rolls.   Today was the first blow up.  I am not going to go into details about what happened because it isn't the point of what I am wanting to share.  

After the dust settled and we began the working it out phase (like I said, parenting is active), we started to talk.  I know a lot of you have wondered how the communication barrier has worked out.  I will tell you I am so happy that I have experienced this barrier.  It forces you to communicate slowly and with thought.  Something I need to work on with my English speaking family and friends. You are forced to not interrupt and wait patiently while really "listening" to what is being typed and translated.  It took us about two hours of talking and bonding before things resumed to "normal".  When we finally got past the anger about what had happened, then the doubts surfaced and it was heart breaking.  

Never in my meager seven years of parenting (to my knowledge) have my children every felt or thought that we wouldn't want them because of what happened during a tense time.  But sure enough it was one of the first doubting questions she had.  "Do we want her to go back to her home country now?"  I had to put on a massive game face in order to not fall on the floor and weep.  In the grand scheme of things, the problem we had today was a blip, nothing really.  Something any family with a teen or child of any age has and will always encounter.  Did it need to be addressed, yes but would I get rid of a child over it, no.  The thought would never even enter my mind, but it was the first thought to enter hers.  

I have said it before but I will say it again, parenting without God is unfathomable to me.  I need His guidance and comfort and strength and wisdom, and love to do this! Parenting is active and you gotta get your game face on to do it!

Pray for us as we come to the end of this part of our journey with our host daughter.  Pray for her heart to continue to soften towards God and the gift of salvation He wants her to receive.  Pray for our "tanks" to be filled once again with strength to love unconditionally and to show her what Jesus' love for us looks and acts like.  Pray we would not fall to pieces over her departure.  Pray she doesn't build all the walls up and continues to allow us in. 

The Elephant in the Room

There is an elephant in the room.  Its name is departure.  It seems to be getting bigger everyday.  It is mean and scary and no one wants to get near it. 

But........


It is going to happen, whether we like it or not.  Most of you who will read this are parents.  Imagine giving your child away....heart clenches, sweaty palms, tear filled eyes, am I right?!?! The thought is terrifying.

That is how I feel every time I look at the calendar. 


It seems so natural to have L as part of our lives now.  I look forward to her sleepy face greeting me in the morning.  I love going through the grocery aisles and picking out foods I know she will enjoy.  My nose is even adjusting to the overly sweet teenage body spray she uses five hundred times a day.  I treasure the afternoons when the house is quiet (at least a few days a week) and she curls up with my favorite quilt (which I haven't used at all since she arrived) and puts the recliner legs up and we sew or watch tv. 

All of those things fly through my mind each day and in the background August 4th keeps knocking.  I don't want to answer the door.  She should just stay here forever, but she isn't mine legally and I have to send her back to a place where she doesn't have a nice comfy bed, sisters to bug her, mama's favorite quilt to wrap up in, more than enough food to fill her belly and so much more.  And it is going to be hard.  I am going to be a mess.  I tear up looking at the calendar. 

Jesus is in control, He's got this.  I can be a hot mess because I find rest and comfort in Him. I try to play that on repeat in my head with all the other thoughts that occur.

So in the little time left before the elephant overtakes the room, I pray, I love on her a bit more, I soak up her laughter, eye rolling, sassy personality, and pickle eating self!

A Quiet Sunday Afternoon

Two weeks!

Two weeks have flown by.  Today marks the beginning of the third week which means we have just three weeks left, I'll mention my thoughts on that matter further down.

We have settled into a nice groove.  The language barrier hasn't magically gone away but we know how to work around it better.  If I speak to you in broken English please forgive me because I have at times caught myself thinking in broken English, "Family no like melon, mama no buy!".  It is an art to live with someone who doesn't speak your language and you don't speak theirs.  You have to be able to think of about five ways to say the same thing in the most simple ways and then add in some gestures and charades and that is a good snapshot of what conversations look like in our house.

Some may wonder how do they spend their days, what does she like to do, how do you entertain small ones and a teenager at the same time, well folks, I will let you wonder no more.

We live life!

Profound stuff, huh?  Our lives have gone on.  We play games, play with toys, watch movies, play outside, go swimming, watch the rain fall, fall fall, fall (it has been nonstop rain lately), clean house, do laundry, cook meals, giggle and rough house, and all the other normals that happen.  L enjoys cross stitch so I have taken her on two trips to the craft store to buy supplies.  She is fast and extremely good but very modest about her skills. 

Living with a teenager has rocked my little people world in some ways.  We have had the joy of having an extra set of big hands to help with the little ones as well as the housework.  She is young and able bodied and flies through chores! I wish I had her energy!  There is the flip side of having a teenager.  We get eye rolling and sullenness.  And sleep, oh my word, I forgot how much sleep teens love to have.  

Reflections from week 2...how scary life would be without Christ.  I take Jesus for granted I think.  It was a startling realization.  I grew up in a Christian home and have never felt what hopelessness would be like.  Watching L dislike church so much has been hard on me.  Yes, I had friends growing up who weren't believers and yes, I even have encountered people who don't believe in God at all.  But I have never lived with someone who doesn't love Jesus.  I think that is what makes this feel so different for me.  There is such a difference between knowing something and feeling overwhelmed and moved by knowing something.  The picture below streams with my reflections this last week.

 

We are being so exposed and I have such a burden to share the love of Jesus and His gift of salvation.  I grew up in church and was told to spread the word, go light up the world, be a disciple of Christ, and while I understood the need and importance, and even knew it was a direct instruction from God, I didn't feel the intense, overwhelming need to minister and evangelize.  I never connected with an unbeliever in this way before.  Maybe it is somewhat different being a mom now.  Praying over my children's need of God and salvation and praying they would choose to walk with Him and accept the gift of salvation has weighed on my heart since I first held my oldest after she was born.  But I also know my children are being exposed regularly to the Bible, prayer, what sin is and why salvation is needed.  They don't feel hopelessness surrounding them.  L has been surrounded by a life that has been hard and hope wasn't offered on a daily basis to her.  She is trudging through a hard life and has no family but more importantly doesn't rely upon a heavenly father for all her needs.  To say my heart is breaking seems inadequate.  Think about being exposed to church for the first time in a foreign country where you don't understand or speak the native language.   It must be so overwhelming and I am trying to be patient with her.  It is extremely hard for me on Sunday mornings to watch her huff and puff and roll her eyes about church.  She doesn't want to say prayers as a family or read the Bible.  I want to shake her and say Jesus loves you so much and life would be full of hope if you would trust in Him!!!! But I know that would do nothing other than push her further away.  So prayerfully and, probably, inadequately at times, I am trying to show her Jesus in the way we act as a family, I act as a wife and mother, the words I speak, the things I laugh at, the activities we participate in, and on and on.  I print off the songs a friend of ours who runs the AV stuff at church translates for me each week and I hand them off to her so hopefully she will read the lyrics and get another glimpse of God, even when she rolls her eyes and mutters in Ukrainian.   She is a delight to be around and a good girl.  She is helpful and loving but she doesn't know Jesus.  I ask that you get down on your knees and pray so hard for her heart to be softened.  Pray in a hopeless world and hopeless life she would see the hope we find in Jesus.  Pray she realizes and understands despite being poor on earth, she can be rich in soul and heart with Jesus' gift of salvation; despite being an orphan on earth, she can be adopted into God's family, as we all are; despite being alone on earth, she can walk and talk to God anytime of the day or night.  

Phew, okay the baby is crying so I have to end this now! Hopefully I will be able to post again next week! : )

~Katie

24 Hours Post Pick-Up

It is late-10:44pm.  I have so many thoughts jiggling around in the empty space between my ears that I need to expel it all in some sort of format, so forgive the grammatical errors and the punctuation errors as I will NOT be proofreading this free writing.

We drove to Chicago yesterday, leaving Indy at lunch time.  The car ride went pretty well and we arrived with little traffic and trouble.  My brother and his wife were wonderful hosts and kept our two older kids and we took the baby with.  She proceeded to cry the entire trip to O'Hare instead of sleeping like we thought she would.  We were able to chase the baby and meet a few other host families and then we all prayed together.  The flight was a bit early and as the kids were walking towards us we couldn't find our host daughter.  She had dyed her hair very dark and it made her look completely different! Also, I realized when a kiddo has been hosted before the picture they use is from the end of a hosting.  Which means the kiddo looks healthier and has brighter eyes and a glow to them.  I think those things were missing too which is why it took us another moment to recognize her.

I was a nervous wreck.  You know that moment when you have a baby and you leave the hospital or the first time you are left alone with that infant and panic washes over you for a brief, or not so brief, moment.  Well, that happens when you host.  You have this child who doesn't speak your language and is now dependent on you for their well being and care and it is terrifying when the airport coordinator says, "Okay, you guys are good to go now! Have fun!" Insert look of wild eyes and slight panic.  Annnndddd regroup I told myself in my head as I grabbed Josh's hand for a brief moment before lugging the fussing baby in my arms and trying to hold my cell phone and talk into it on the google translate app so I am not rude to this new person in my life.  We all got to bed and while my brother and his wife again are wonderful hosts, I never sleep as well away from home. 

Today was exhausting for everyone.  We tried to let her sleep in because she was exhausted but also leave in a timely manner.  With 6 people in a car for four hours, plus throw in potty breaks, construction, alternate routes, grumpy sleep deprived people it made for an emotional journey home.  Thankfully, the skies decided to dump the liquid once we were safely back home instead of while we were driving. 

We had dinner together and our host daughter did the two older girls' hair and my hair in fancy twisty french braids.  We played barbies together and I showed her all the things in her room.  We have had little getting to know you conversations throughout the day.  As soon as I woke her up this morning she wanted to show me the few treasures she owns.  She has a few pictures of her bio family and then other hosting families.  She shared ages and names.  We listened to music together on her MP3 player and giggled about everything and nothing.  By the time I crawled into bed about 30 minutes ago it all crashed and hit me. 

Obviously, I have been aware that we are hosting an ORPHAN but it really sunk in thoroughly tonight.  I was hit by a tidal wave of grief for this beautiful girl.  She is nothing but sweet.  She loves on the girls and is helpful.  She has NO ONE.  Why God, why? I keep crying out in my head.  How can the world we live in exist where these sweet children have NO ONE!?!?  She literally has NO ONE!!!! I can't stop yelling this to myself inside my head.  No one to tuck her in at night (yes I am aware that most teens don't need tucking in but still!), no one to think about whether or not she is taking care of her teeth (I am stickler for good dental hygiene), no one to care if she eats a balanced diet, no one to hear and love the sound of her laughter, no one who randomly pulls her in for a hug just because.  I could go on but I guess I get it and so do you, or at least I hope you do. 

Yes, God I hear you! I am so sinfully self-centered it isn't even funny.  I had no clue to what degree until about 40 minutes ago when the tidal wave hit me.  I obviously have so much to learn and am opening my heart God! Change me, grow me, make me more like You! Give me strength to be SOMEONE to this girl.  Let me continue to be uncomfortable and aware of how hard this is so that I don't lose sight of the path you have put before me.  I will turn to you for strength and comfort.  I will acknowledge your ways and trust in you.  I will let go of myself in order to be used for your glory!  AMEN!

Well, I am exhausted and have to go throw away the large amount of dirty tissues that I just created.  I will try to be less all over the place for the next post! ; )

Twas the Night Before Hosting...

Twas the night before hosting and all through the house, the momma was nesting, the dad was all smiles, and the three small girls were looking forward to meeting their big sister! 

I can't believe we are at this point in our journey.  In about 33 hours I will get to hug and welcome "L" to our family for the summer.  We have been busy since my last post.  With school out for the summer, we have focused on preparing our family for the hosting experience.  We have tried to fill up our "love tanks" by spending one on one time with each of the girls.  Josh and I also spent a weekend together two weekends ago by attending a Weekend to Remember through Family Life.  It was a refreshing time.  We have spent some family time with swimming, trips to the library, playing at home, and enjoying being together. 

We have also seen a rise in some little kiddo behaviors, most likely in response to the upcoming changes.  Please pray the girls would acclimate to the changes and embrace "L" as part of our family with all the good and bad that comes with it. 

We had some wonderful friends and family who volunteered to help get the room prepared that she will be staying in.

The clock is set on Ukrainian time and then there are maps of Ukraine and Indiana.

I have definitely felt like an expectant mother these last few weeks.  I find myself daydreaming about what our family will be like with a sixth person.  I have lovingly put away clothes for her and thoughtfully made purchases that I think she will enjoy.  Don't worry I have also had reality checks about it not being all dreams and rainbows of happiness. I am realistic about the harder parts of hosting.  

The last couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster for a few reasons.  The embassies across the world experienced a crash in the computer program which issues visas.  New Horizons for Children has to make travel plans a bit backwards because of rules in Ukraine.  In order to host we have to show goodwill intentions for carrying it out, so plane tickets have to be purchased prior to a visa being obtained.  You can imagine that we now have all these plane tickets bought and the embassy saying they can't issue visas because of the computer program problems.  It was neat to watch the families, as we connected on Facebook, come together in prayer and support across the whole United States, watching God's family at work is an amazing thing to behold.   

There was a time of corporate prayer through a conference call everyone could dial into.  With the time difference we would have to wait for news to come through about what was happening.  At one point it was grim, like no hosting was going to happen grim.  This occurred on the day the kids from Latvia (the other country New Horizons hosts through) were arriving.  It was so hard to watch the Facebook news feed with pictures and posts about the Latvia kids arriving when there was a good chance our Ukraine kids wouldn't arrive at all.  Mixed emotions took on a whole new meaning, I was sad and thrilled all at once.  One of my favorite pictures was a group heading to California that had missed their connecting flight and had to stay on the east coast for a night, and when the girls arrived and saw their host families, one of them had this look on her face like she had just won a large lottery sum!  It was precious to see but hard too. 

At that point, New Horizons For Children asked the Ukraine families to contact their senators and ask them to speak on our behalf to the embassy.  God used all these people and moved a mountain.  The embassy in Ukraine finally agreed to open on a Saturday just for our kids.  Josh and I had a lot of high fives and hugging going on in the kitchen when we found out.  The girls were thrilled too.  Videos and pictures of the kids at the embassy were posted and it was wonderful.  I stalked them all but couldn't find our host daughter.  

That brings us up to today at almost 4 in the afternoon.  At midnight our time, 7am on Monday in Ukraine, the kids heading to Chicago will board their first flight.  They will have two other stops before arriving in Chicago on Monday night around 9pm (10pm Indiana time).  We will be staying the night with my brother and his family since it is only about 40 minutes from the airport.  Then we will leave the next morning to head home to Indiana.  

Prayer Requests:

-smooth travel for all the Ukraine kids

-strength and patience for the chaperones flying with them

-smooth travel for all the host families as they make their way to the various airports across the US for pick up

-the kids from Latvia and families that have already been united this weekend and that adjustments would go smoothly

-peaceful transitions for the Ukraine children and host families this coming week

-for our girls to acclimate to the changes in our home

-for Josh and I to practice patience and love and be the best example of what parents should be like for our host daughter

-for Josh and "L" to bond and that she would experience what a healthy relationship with a father figure is like

-for Katie's back-I did something to it on Friday and have been in a lot of pain Saturday and today

Praises:

-God provided a melting of the heart of those in charge at the embassy in Ukraine and that the visas were issued

-the body of Christ responded by turning to Him for strength and comfort when our plans didn't go the way we thought they would

-the Latvia kids arrived safely and with few "bumps" in the travel plans

I can't wait to update with pictures and stories of the arrival and first week!  My goal is to post at least a short entry about each week.  

Psalm 104:31-34

May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works, who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke!  I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being.  May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord. 

~Katie

An Update: Next Steps

It has been a continued whirlwind of emotions, activities, and to-do lists this past month.  I finished school at the end of this past week which has alleviated a lot of extras from our day to day life.  We are now in the hosting zone!  I wanted to take a moment to update everyone about where we are at in our hosting journey.

We had some wonderful people help us financially and I know there are even more that I don't know about who are supporting us through prayer.  We were short a third of the money on the night before the due date.  We were stressed and praying that we would know what God would have us do.  A lot of you know we recently sold our house and moved.  The day the money was due we received a check from our previous mortgage company, which we knew we would be getting, but had not been given the exact number.  We underestimated the amount based on what we knew so God once again provided more than what was needed to pay the balance on our account.  It was amazing! Then, after flights were finalized last week we received the small balance statement from New Horizons for Children, which happens because they can't predict the complete costs of flights and connecting flights to a location closer to us.  It wasn't very much, but I prayed God would move the funds so it didn't affect our regular budget.  About two days later we received another check from the title company from closing on our new house.  There had been an overage charge and we were being refunded.  It was a little more than half of what we owed for the final flight difference.  And finally, just to remind us that God is ultimately in control we received one more check from the internet company again with a little bit of money that was left when we closed the account at the old house.  It was a happy mail week at our house! : )  If there were any doubts about whether or not we were truly being called to host this summer and on such short notice, they have been erased with God's awesome provisions. 

The next hurdle happened when we received the flight information.  Her flight will arrive in Chicago around 9pm on June 29th.  We were struggling to figure out what options we had because Josh works both the 29th and 30th.  Most of you may not know but Josh isn't able to just take off of work very easily.  We submit his days off in December for the following year and they are granted based off of seniority, which Josh falls about 6th in line for his shift.  Then, it is not a good thing to just call in either.  They are pretty strict and it is a fine line of calling in one too many times and you could end up in trouble.  We prefer to stay away from calling in because of that and try to only use the pre-approved days off.  We kept going in circles about how picking her up should play out.  Do we drive back that night and get home around 2-3am and then Josh could make it into work by 6am but be exhausted?  Do we spend the night with my brother's family and leave early the next morning and Josh could make it in for the last 6 hours of his shift if his Lt. would approve that?  Anyway, the options were swirling around but God took care of it.  Back in December when Josh submitted his days for this year he chose some random days here and there throughout the summer for extra family time.  We don't typically keep track of his days off when we have no pre-made vacation plans.  Finally, he checked this past week about what days exactly he had asked off for and guess which days they were?!? June 29th and 30th!  Again, if doubts are floating about out there about whether God wants us to do this, they should be gone by now!

The Michigan training was about two weeks ago, and it was a huge blessing.  We were required to attend an all day training up in Michigan.  The trip was very smooth with little traffic and Josh and I enjoyed the 6 hours round trip of talk time with each other.  The training was great because we were able to get a lot of information and meet other host families.  We were also able to talk to four teens who have been part of the hosting program and then adopted by their host families.  It was interesting to hear what scared them the most and what experiences were most valued.  Overall, it was a great day and made us even more excited about this adventure. 

To end this extremely long post I will share our to-do list and some prayer requests:

To-Do:
-prepare the room our host daughter will be staying in
-get a few more outfits on hand for the first few days
-obtain a winter coat to send her back with
-obtain a rolling duffel bag (required to send her back with)
-Home Safety Assessment (will be done June 5th)
-finish unpacking from the move
-obtain a Ukranian Bible
-schedule Dentist and Eye exams (required as part of the program)

Prayer Requests:
-our host daughter's salvation
-prepare our host daughter's heart and mind for the upcoming weeks as she joins our family
-take any of our fears and anxieties and fill us with peace and wisdom to handle situations which will occur this summer
-prepare our other three daughter's for the changes in our family
-give Josh wisdom as he leads our family through this experience
-we would find a dentist and eye dr. willing to give us services for free or reduced price
-set our eyes and feet to Him as we serve this summer
-traveling for our host daughter would be smooth and her body would remain refreshed and strong through the long day of traveling

We are getting excited and nervous as the days dwindle and her arrival date gets closer.  I will hopefully continue to update everyone through this blog.  Thanks for everyone has is supporting us through prayer and I love getting all the questions and being able to answer them for each of you.  Thank you too for the financial support you gave our host daughter to make this happen for her. 

God Bless,
Katie, Josh, and our soon to be 4 girls!

You Want To Do WHAT?!?!

It was about a month ago that a friend on Facebook posted a link about some orphan thing.  I skimmed over it and thought it wasn't abnormal to see from her because their family has a heart for fostering and adoption.  Then, in the next couple of weeks I saw more posts popping up on my newsfeed.  Finally, after seeing the posts about five or six times I stopped and clicked on the link and it took me to www.nhfc.org which is New Horizons for Children, an orphan hosting program.  My first instinct was "that is so mean, you bring these kids here and show them what a family is all about and then ship them back to an orphanage".  Despite my first instinct, I kept perusing the website.  I read their statement of faith, I have listed it below straight from their website:

Statement of Faith

We believe there is only one God, eternally existent in three persons – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (Genesis 1:1; Matthew 28:19)

We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative, inerrant Word of God. (II Timothy 3:15; II Peter 1:21)

We believe in the deity of Christ (John 10:33), His virgin birth (Isaiah 7:14; Luke 1:35), His sinless life (Hebrews 4:15; 7:26), and His miracles (John 2:11). 

We believe in His death, which completely paid the debt of our sin, (I Corinthians 15:3; Ephesians 1:7), His resurrection (I Corinthians 15:4; John 11:25), His ascension to the right hand of the Father (Mark 16:19), His personal return in power and glory (Revelation 19:11)

We believe in the absolute necessity of new life by the Holy Spirit for salvation because of the exceeding sinfulness of human nature, and that men are justified on the single ground of faith in the blood of Christ, and that only by God’s grace through faith alone are we saved. (John 3:16-19; Romans 3:23; 5:8-9; Ephesians 2:9-10; Titus 3:5)

We believe in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost, they that are saved unto the resurrection of life, and they that are lost unto the resurrection of damnation. (John 5:28-29)

We believe in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. (I Corinthians 12:12-13; Galatians 3:26-28)

We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit whose indwelling empowers the Christian to live a Godly life. (John 16:7; Acts 1:8)

I couldn't refute any of those statements.  I started thinking more about it.   Would I want my children to experience hopelessness or the love of a family if only for a small amount of time?  Would I want my children to not know what a fraction of Christ's love is like or feel a small amount of Christ's love outpoured from a Christian family if only for a small amount of time?  The more I thought about it the more I realized I was excited about what New Horizons for Children was doing.  They were bringing the mission field directly into the home for five weeks during the summer.  The hosting family becomes mom and dad, sisters and brothers to an orphan who otherwise might never experience a stable, loving Christian family.  A family who will not only supply them with love and care but provide basic needs like clothes and shoes.  

Let's be honest for a minute.  I am a full-time working mother.  I rarely have time to go to the bathroom alone, so how would I leave my family at this point in our lives and spend a week or two on the mission field ministering to orphans across the world?  Well, I guess if God called me to serve in that way it would all fall into place but right now I haven't felt lead to leave and serve in that way.  But I have a lovely new home, a wonderful husband, a lot of extra love and space in my heart, and so much more that I could give to an orphan.

The next couple of days after this epiphany I kept stalking the website and looking at the kids' pictures.  I told Josh all about it and he thought it sounded like a cool program and would definitely consider participating in the future.  I agreed that I thought it was something we should prayerfully consider FOR THE FUTURE! : )  We had always wanted to do foster care and have never been opposed to adoption.  At the end of April a blog entry was posted on their website, I was keeping up to date at this point in my stalking habits!

The blog entry was titled the Joy of Uncomfortable Love written by Hyacynth Worth.  This woman's words unraveled every last string attached to FOR THE FUTURE that I had woven around my heart and mind.  Below are a few excerpts from her blog:

"Hosting asks a lot of us.
It asks us to trust in God’s tug on our hearts and in his leading.
It asks us to set aside our fears.
It asks us to rely heavily on God for all kinds of provision — financial, emotional, spiritual and physical."

"We lay down our lives for others in the truest sense when we are willing to risk vulnerability, discomfort, inconvenience and even rejection to love someone.
If God’s been breaking your heart for the orphans who break His, let’s be willing to do three things this summer:
1. Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable because Love once was uncomfortable for each of us.
2. Let’s show up and allow God to use our little bit of willingness and watch Him supply us with the rest.
3. Let’s live like heirs of God."

I was at work on my lunch break while reading this.  I knew in an instant this wasn't FOR THE FUTURE, it was for NOW! That night I whispered to Josh in bed that I thought God was calling us to do this now.  He replied something to the effect of let's do it next summer or later, now isn't the best time with everything else we have going on.  And at face value, I completely agreed with him and still do.  We just moved, there are still boxes that need unpacking.  We have just come off of a long stressful few months with selling and buying a new home.  We have three children, one of who doesn't like to sleep, like EVER! We are sleep deprived and busy.  It is an awful time to welcome an orphan into our home but yet I felt the strong push that my timing is not His timing.  The next day I sent the link to the blog post to Josh.  A few hours later I received a text from him that said "I'm all in for this summer! Let's see what next steps are."

CRAZY! This is what this whole thing was.  I filled out the initial form and submitted it and received an email from our area coordinator.  It was exciting but in the back of my fear filled mind I still knew it was no commitment at this point, it was just an inquiry.   A few days after getting the email, I called Linda.  She was super nice and I kept thinking according to the website, selections for who you wanted to host was on May 4th and all the money was due May 15th.  This isn't going to happen now, we will have to wait until Christmas or next summer to host.  No big deal, at least I followed God's prompting.  I secretly was relieved.  But Linda assured me we could step forward in faith.  It wasn't too late.  

This brings us to right now, today.  I will wholeheartedly admit that fear hits me several times a day and I find myself muttering that we are insane.  Then, I pray.  I feel calm and reassured that we aren't making a colossal mistake and God will provide the remaining $1800.  That's a lot of money and I am a control freak who is so out of control right now it isn't even funny.  My first lesson of depending on God and not myself. 

We have chosen a beautiful 16 year old girl from Ukraine.  For security purposes we will just call her "L".  She is breathtakingly gorgeous.  I can't wait to wrap her in a big hug.  I am scared senseless at the same time.   This is going to be hard.  This isn't going to be sunshine and roses.  Josh and I know we will have to experience a whole new level of parenting.  It will challenge us individually, it will challenge our marriage.  It will challenge our little girls to learn more about loving unconditionally.  It will teach them to share mom and dad a bit more.  I hope they will see God move in our family in new ways. More than anything I hope that "L" learns about God.  I can't keep "L" with our family at the end of our hosting experience.  She will go back to Ukraine.  I will have no control over what horrible things may or may not happen to her in the years to come.  But if she comes to know the Lord, she will always be protected and feel His love.  If she doesn't come to know the Lord, at least another seed will have been planted into her heart and our family will continue to cover her with prayer.  

So yes, we have about 11 days to raise $1800.  Yes, we need family and friends to help us out with that.  I know God will work in the hearts of others just like He is working in our hearts to provide "L" with a loving family this summer.  We are prepared to step out in faith to be stretched and grow and love.  Are you willing to help support us?

If you feel lead to support us financially please visit our YouCaring page and make a tax deductible donation at the following link: http://www.youcaring.com/nonprofits/e0002-kunkel-family-fundraiser-new-horizons-for-children-/346448

If you feel lead to support us through prayer please send up prayers for the following things: 
-we will meet the funding deadline
-prepare the heart and mind of "L"
-continue to prepare our family for the joys and trials we will face this summer
-pray for the other hosting families and orphans who will be joining together this summer

Thanks and Love from the Kunkel Family